praising Him in the storm

I have the Casting Crowns song stuck in my head, as I reflect on this past week.  Lots of storms - of all sorts.  Let's recap:

1. Last Friday - dear friends from college visited with their beautiful 7 month old daughter.  What should have taken them 4 hours ended up being around 6 hours due to the torrential downpour and lightning.
   
2. This past week - throughout Grace retreat, J suffered with a recurring fever and then a rash that broke out over his body upon our return home.
   
3. This past Friday - somehow I missed the news that a storm was coming, so it took me by surprise.  Thousands without power in the DMV area alone, including my sister's neighborhood.  As of tonight, the power still hasn't returned in her neighborhood.  This also affected J's best friend's first birthday party, as they scrambled to find a new venue at the last moment due to power outages.
   
4. Today - the Mexico mission team left for the airport as planned, in the wee hours of the morning.  However, every flight to Houston was delayed, causing them to miss their connecting flights into Mexico.

For each of these situations, my first gut reaction is to despair, to worry, to panic.  
Yet I'm learning (s l o w l y) that God is sovereign.  He reigns over every situation - both the good and the bad, both the convenient and the inconvenient.

In each of these situations, there was no reason, ultimately, to despair.  My friends arrived safely through the storm, J recovered completely within the week, the birthday party was relocated to an even better location, and I believe God is redeeming the traveling situation that the team is encountering.

I received a call from Mr. A during this morning's Sunday service, saying that there were no more available flights to Mexico for 1/3 of their team until Wednesday. (Bear in mind that this is a 9 day mission trip!)  He was looking for any alternative and asked me to research the driving distance between Chiapas, Mexico and the airports in Belize and Guatemala.  We really didn't know what to do or what was going to happen.

During the service however, we read a verse in 1 Corinthians and my eyes wandered over to 1 Corinthians 15:57-58.  It was so encouraging that I immediately texted it to Mr. A.  It says:

But thanks be to God!  He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm.  Let nothing move you.  Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.


After service, I was driving and began to pray that God would redeem the situation - knowing that God could very well turn their traveling mishaps into a mission trip itself.  I remembered their prayer topic - that they would be have victory wherever they go and in every situation, with every person they encounter.

Later, Mr. A emailed and shared that he had had the opportunity to pray for the lady who managed to get them tickets to Mexico City (while everyone else was telling them they should just return to Maryland).  She started crying and told him how customers usually treat her poorly when these issues arise, but to have someone pray for her was a blessing.  When I later talked on the phone with Mr. A, I told him how encouraging it was to hear about her, and he told me that he had been thinking about victory before praying for her, and then received my text and shared the verse with her when he prayed for her.  The lady's name?  Victoria.

I believe this is just the beginning!

Through all of this, I am realizing how honored God is when we choose to praise Him in our inconveniences...to thank Him, even for the storms.  It is a declaration that we recognize that He is way bigger than any problem that we might face or any glitch that may arise.

Thank You, Jesus, for teaching me with such patience and gentleness.  I believe and claim victory for our mission team, even as they are en route to Mexico... in whatever situation they are in, You are able to and so willing to work in amazing ways that cause every eye to turn to You.  I choose to trust.  I choose to praise!

slow down, you're going too fast...

Dear J,

As I write this, you are 11 months and 2 weeks old!  How can that be?  As time flies, I forget more.  I lose track of when you hit certain milestones or when you start doing new things.  I don't want to forget - I want to preserve every little moment and lock it up in my brain forever.  I told Mr. A that I want to start video recording all the sounds you make...because one day I know I won't be able to remember all the cute sighs and babbles and even your experimentation with the upper range  :)

Fingers in your mouth help produce cool sounds

I don't know if I am just acting like the typical mama, but I am super impressed with all that you're learning!  In just the past 2 weeks, you began:

1.Waving hello and goodbye, fairly consistently.  You have us all flapping our hands at the wrist to encourage you :)

2. Eating from a banana directly, without a spoon (as Mr. A likes to call them, "daddy-size bites!")

3. Tilting your head and pretending to hold a phone to your ear when I say, "Hello?"  This, I suspect, has developed from your obsession with cell phones.

4.  Drinking from a straw...a regular grown-up straw!  None of this baby straw stuff.  You did this all by yourself (after practicing using the straw a couple times), thus redeeming my guilt from never buying you a sippy cup past Stage 1 (beginner sippy cups for 4 month olds)!

5.  Walking, holding on the handles of your hippo cart, all the way across the living room and back!  You do this with a huge grin on your face and with such glee.  It makes my heart happy and also kind of makes you look like the world's smallest grocery shopper :)

Showing off your hippo cart to Grandma Lee

6.  Calling me "Mama."  Not quite as often as you like to call for your daddy, but it's enough to make me smile :)  I find it hilarious that you are the quintessential Korean-American...calling me "Mama" and yet using the Korean word for daddy ("Appa").

Mama & me  |  First trip to Annapolis

7.  Giving lots of hugs and kisses.  I never want to let go. :)

8.  Laughing at everything!  You're really developing an awesome sense of humor.  Today you cracked up so much every time I would blow raspberries on you.  And then when I did it to your daddy, you laughed even harder.  You're also amazingly ticklish.  Just two days ago, you suddenly burst out laughing and I didn't know why... until I saw that you were tickling yourself!

Giggly boy  |  First softball tournament (2nd place!)

You are growing  s o o o o   fast!   Your emo pointed out to me recently that I always make a sad face when she comments on how fast you're growing or how cute you are.  It's just a natural reaction for me as I think about how this is all going by too quickly!  Don't ever forget, though, that I do want you to grow (in so many ways) and love to see you do it!

I love you, baby boy :)  We are so proud of you.
Love,
Mama

return

After a season of blog-fasting, I'm back!

This morning I woke up with a very dry and scratchy throat.  There's this perpetual feeling of thirst - and despite being surrounded by water bottles (literally...we have 2 cases of water bottles in the house), my busy-ness today has kept me from quenching the thirst, though relief is right at my fingertips.  I can relate to this spiritually - the feeling of being so dry and thirsty, yet stubbornly selfish and foolishly ignoring the Source that quenches my thirst again and again.

Yet there is grace.

I tasted this today during today's service- experienced the sweetness of His Word as if it were for the first time.  I love how our Father loves to give us good gifts - the most supreme of these being Himself.  I am slow to learn, forgetful of His grace, and disobedient in my decisions, but He is patient, loving, and generous with His kindness and mercy.  He doesn't withhold from us His presence - but freely gives of Himself when we merely ask...refreshing my heart and awakening my soul with renewed HOPE.

and for this I am ever grateful.

i love... (in no particular order)

-bright sunshiney mornings
-my keurig coffee with hazelnut creamer
-new beginnings
-colorful buttons
-sweet clementines
-anything with magnets (like this new bracelet I received for Christmas...magnet clasp = genius!)
-kindergarten hugs
-writing with new pens (esp. with <0.7 tip)
-watching J shake his head with glee
-good hair days
-capturing beautiful moments on camera
-mr. A's dimples
-dutch blitz
-rainbow sprinkles on yogurt
-family
-crystal beads
-francine rivers
-stomping around in rain boots
-yuca
-amazing grace
-our cherry blossom tree (particularly in April)

it's going to be a good day :)

looking up.

Just about a month ago, our lil J learned to roll over.  He would roll from his back to his belly, but since he didn't like being on his tummy, he would cry frantically and often do a face-plant into the floor in defeat (a sight that was simultaneously really sad and kind of amusing). A couple weeks later, though, he started becoming interested in trying to roll onto his back.  This involved lots of kicking and back-arching and wiggling and squirming.

As I observed him, it became clear to me that the first thing that had to move was his head.  He need to lead with his (ahem*90thpercentile*) head so that the rest of the body would follow.  Yet this involved falling backwards, which is a scary concept for anyone, let alone a 4 month old.

When he finally did roll over, I saw that it wasn't because of his strength or sheer will.  It was because of his position.  In order to complete a successful belly-to-back roll, J needed only to look up.  When he looked up, his head leaned back, his body naturally began to roll to the side and the roll was quick and effortless.  But when he struggled, kicked, and cried, he only got frustrated and tired.  *face plant*

How true is this of the struggles that we face every day?  When we try to accomplish them by our own strength or sheer will, we often end up exhausted, weary and with our face in the dirt.

Yet when we look up...


our challenges become effortless,

our strength is renewed,

and the things that once burdened us can even bring us joy.

All because of a Father who loves to see our face :)

Isaiah 40:28-31 -  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

smiles and thoughts about parenthood

Saw this on someone's FB page and thought it was really cute:

Don't these words just make you smile?  happy, patient, lovely, loyal


It has been an interesting transition into parenthood.  For me, it was a sharp jolt into a new lifestyle in which I spent the first month or so adjusting physically, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually (especially as I stayed home for the first month and sorely missed worshiping alongside and having fellowship with the Body).  Then it was a month of building confidence as a parent, immersing myself into literature and websites about parenting styles, and observing J and trying to learn his cries, his natural sleeping schedule, and little idiosyncrasies like raising his fist and gurgling when he's sleepy.

This past month, I feel like I've hit my stride...feeling more like my pre-pregnancy self (though I may not quite look like it yet!) and growing more and more comfortable with this new pace of life and taking care of a little one.  As we move back into the type of things we used to do, pre-baby, such as date nights and opening our house up, I realize that not only can it be done, but that it's really really good for us!  I'm so grateful for who He's given me to love.

At the beginning of next month, I'll be returning to work!  It'll be just part-time, but I'm already feeling so sad about leaving J and this chapter of my life coming to a close.  One thing I've been praying, though, is for me to do all that I do with all my heart - to do it well.  It's going to be difficult to switch gears and go, but I am reminded that He's called me to my school, and to these kids.  I want to love them well, love & serve my family well, love my Jesus most.

i can wait

Hello again, blog world! Hard to believe that so much time has gone by since I last posted.  New lifestyle, new look to the blog.
Since my last post was about dreams, I thought it would be fitting to write another based around a dream I had this past week.

First of all, please meet J:

He is turning 3 months tomorrow, and has brought absolute joy to our lives :)

I was thinking recently about how so much of my life has been marked by big events that I have anticipated.  When I was little, I couldn't wait to grow up and be in the next grade.  When I reached middle school, I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive.  When I was 16, I couldn't wait to go to college and get a job.  When I got a job, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids.

And now that I'm happily married and a first-time mommy, I find myself thinking about the next landmarks in J's life that I'm looking forward to.  I can't wait till he can sit up on his own.  I can't wait till he develops an interest in books and we can read together. I can't wait till he starts talking.  I can't wait till he can toddle around and hold my hand on walks.  I can't wait...

Then, a few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream.  It started out silly, where I was actually one of the characters on my favorite TV show.  Then, I remember stepping off the set and asking Mr. A where J was.  He told me that J had started walking - at 3 months!  I thought, Well, maybe I should count his steps to make sure it's really walking and not just falling forward.  I followed him around and counted 59 steps...and then he took off, running!  :)  I remember thinking, Genius baby!

This dream made me realize that I don't want to waste away my life (or J's) by wishing for another time yet to come.  As my maternity leave comes to an end in a few weeks, I'm using this as a reminder to savor the time I have - right here and right now... and not just for parenthood, but life in general.

So instead of saying, "I can't wait,"  I want to start thinking, "I can wait..."  God is calling me to wait - on Him.  He's calling me to look around gratefully at what He has given me for now, and the time He has given me, and to love.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

-psalm 118:24