i can wait

Hello again, blog world! Hard to believe that so much time has gone by since I last posted.  New lifestyle, new look to the blog.
Since my last post was about dreams, I thought it would be fitting to write another based around a dream I had this past week.

First of all, please meet J:

He is turning 3 months tomorrow, and has brought absolute joy to our lives :)

I was thinking recently about how so much of my life has been marked by big events that I have anticipated.  When I was little, I couldn't wait to grow up and be in the next grade.  When I reached middle school, I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive.  When I was 16, I couldn't wait to go to college and get a job.  When I got a job, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids.

And now that I'm happily married and a first-time mommy, I find myself thinking about the next landmarks in J's life that I'm looking forward to.  I can't wait till he can sit up on his own.  I can't wait till he develops an interest in books and we can read together. I can't wait till he starts talking.  I can't wait till he can toddle around and hold my hand on walks.  I can't wait...

Then, a few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream.  It started out silly, where I was actually one of the characters on my favorite TV show.  Then, I remember stepping off the set and asking Mr. A where J was.  He told me that J had started walking - at 3 months!  I thought, Well, maybe I should count his steps to make sure it's really walking and not just falling forward.  I followed him around and counted 59 steps...and then he took off, running!  :)  I remember thinking, Genius baby!

This dream made me realize that I don't want to waste away my life (or J's) by wishing for another time yet to come.  As my maternity leave comes to an end in a few weeks, I'm using this as a reminder to savor the time I have - right here and right now... and not just for parenthood, but life in general.

So instead of saying, "I can't wait,"  I want to start thinking, "I can wait..."  God is calling me to wait - on Him.  He's calling me to look around gratefully at what He has given me for now, and the time He has given me, and to love.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

-psalm 118:24

baby dreams...

Pregnancy really does something to your dreams! I have had multiple dreams about our little one since early on in this pregnancy...and since this is the final stretch, I thought I would write them out (as much as I can remember them, and as much as I can try to make them make sense!).

Dream #1 (~1 month preg.)

I was in a forest with m.Ruth. Although she was due in Dec. 2010 and we already knew that she was going to have a boy, in the dream she had already given birth and was holding a baby girl. This girl, although supposedly only a few days old, was sitting up comfortably in her arms. She had really pale skin and freckles, and was so pretty!

***As a result, m.Ruth was convinced that I was really dreaming about my future daughter, esp. after she noticed that Mr. A has a lot of freckles himself.

Dream #2 (5 months preg.)

This was right before we found out the sex of the baby. We were getting the sonogram done and I pointed to the screen because I saw a telltale sign on the baby's body. The sonographer paused, stepped closer to the screen and said, "Yup...it's definitely....a girl!!!"

***This dream confused me even more because it gave no indication about the baby's sex! :)

Dream #3 (~7 months preg??)

This one was pretty hazy, but it involved m.Esther and a supposed C-section that I didn't realize that I had had. I walked into a brightly lit nursery and met my baby boy, who was already about 5 years old. I think he had Italian features.

***I remember waking up relieved that I hadn't really had a C-section (esp. one without my knowledge!)

Dream #4 (~8.5 months preg?)

I was waiting on the sidewalk outside of a hospital that wasn't our hospital. I think I had called for Mr.A to pick me up because I was in labor. I remember the baby was already on his way out, so I casually thought to myself, "Might as well push!" and then I delivered the baby into my own arms and caught him before he could fall onto the sidewalk. My bro-in-law Joe came to greet me, and Mr. A appeared with a hot pink ergobaby carrier. I gazed into the baby's face and thought immediately that he looked like Mr. A - same brow line, same freckles, only he was African American.

***I didn't think anything about this dream was strange until after I woke up.

Dream #5 (40 wks preg. = 2 nights ago)

I was in the hospital with our friends (who just gave birth last weekend). Both of us were in labor, but our baby came out really quickly. Mr. A turned to me, smiling, and said, "Wow, that was only 10 minutes!" I looked down at the baby, who was a Caucasian baby girl, very round and soft. Later on, somehow, the baby changed into a small African American boy (again, which didn't faze me at all in the dream).

***The 10 minute labor bit sounds good to me! But what is up with the different gender dreams?

Dream #6 (40 wks preg. = last night)

I was in our nursery, showing my mom around. She pointed out that the crib mattress looked really low, and was trying to give me a step ladder to make it easier for me to lower the baby into the crib. I realized that we had already had the baby, so I went into the living and found him in his car seat by the couch. At first, I was really scared because it looked like he wasn't breathing, but when I placed my hand on him, I felt his heartbeat and realized he was sleeping deeply. I picked him up and, instead of crying, this little Korean baby boy with a head full of hair opened his eyes and gave me the biggest, cheesiest, toothless grin I'd ever seen. I had recently read that for the first week of their lives, babies can imitate facial expressions really well, so I was cracking up, watching him imitate my facial expressions. Mr. A and my mom walked by, fixing and moving things around in the kitchen/dining room, and I changed the baby's clothes. His hands and feet were really hot, so I rubbed an ice cube on them to cool him down.

***First dream where our baby was actually Korean!

I know that God often uses dreams to speak to people. My dreams tend to be really confusing, but one thing that they have made certain to me - I will love this little one no matter what! And I reaaallly can't wait to meet this baby face to face! :)