looking up.

Just about a month ago, our lil J learned to roll over.  He would roll from his back to his belly, but since he didn't like being on his tummy, he would cry frantically and often do a face-plant into the floor in defeat (a sight that was simultaneously really sad and kind of amusing). A couple weeks later, though, he started becoming interested in trying to roll onto his back.  This involved lots of kicking and back-arching and wiggling and squirming.

As I observed him, it became clear to me that the first thing that had to move was his head.  He need to lead with his (ahem*90thpercentile*) head so that the rest of the body would follow.  Yet this involved falling backwards, which is a scary concept for anyone, let alone a 4 month old.

When he finally did roll over, I saw that it wasn't because of his strength or sheer will.  It was because of his position.  In order to complete a successful belly-to-back roll, J needed only to look up.  When he looked up, his head leaned back, his body naturally began to roll to the side and the roll was quick and effortless.  But when he struggled, kicked, and cried, he only got frustrated and tired.  *face plant*

How true is this of the struggles that we face every day?  When we try to accomplish them by our own strength or sheer will, we often end up exhausted, weary and with our face in the dirt.

Yet when we look up...


our challenges become effortless,

our strength is renewed,

and the things that once burdened us can even bring us joy.

All because of a Father who loves to see our face :)

Isaiah 40:28-31 -  Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

smiles and thoughts about parenthood

Saw this on someone's FB page and thought it was really cute:

Don't these words just make you smile?  happy, patient, lovely, loyal


It has been an interesting transition into parenthood.  For me, it was a sharp jolt into a new lifestyle in which I spent the first month or so adjusting physically, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually (especially as I stayed home for the first month and sorely missed worshiping alongside and having fellowship with the Body).  Then it was a month of building confidence as a parent, immersing myself into literature and websites about parenting styles, and observing J and trying to learn his cries, his natural sleeping schedule, and little idiosyncrasies like raising his fist and gurgling when he's sleepy.

This past month, I feel like I've hit my stride...feeling more like my pre-pregnancy self (though I may not quite look like it yet!) and growing more and more comfortable with this new pace of life and taking care of a little one.  As we move back into the type of things we used to do, pre-baby, such as date nights and opening our house up, I realize that not only can it be done, but that it's really really good for us!  I'm so grateful for who He's given me to love.

At the beginning of next month, I'll be returning to work!  It'll be just part-time, but I'm already feeling so sad about leaving J and this chapter of my life coming to a close.  One thing I've been praying, though, is for me to do all that I do with all my heart - to do it well.  It's going to be difficult to switch gears and go, but I am reminded that He's called me to my school, and to these kids.  I want to love them well, love & serve my family well, love my Jesus most.

i can wait

Hello again, blog world! Hard to believe that so much time has gone by since I last posted.  New lifestyle, new look to the blog.
Since my last post was about dreams, I thought it would be fitting to write another based around a dream I had this past week.

First of all, please meet J:

He is turning 3 months tomorrow, and has brought absolute joy to our lives :)

I was thinking recently about how so much of my life has been marked by big events that I have anticipated.  When I was little, I couldn't wait to grow up and be in the next grade.  When I reached middle school, I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive.  When I was 16, I couldn't wait to go to college and get a job.  When I got a job, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids.

And now that I'm happily married and a first-time mommy, I find myself thinking about the next landmarks in J's life that I'm looking forward to.  I can't wait till he can sit up on his own.  I can't wait till he develops an interest in books and we can read together. I can't wait till he starts talking.  I can't wait till he can toddle around and hold my hand on walks.  I can't wait...

Then, a few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream.  It started out silly, where I was actually one of the characters on my favorite TV show.  Then, I remember stepping off the set and asking Mr. A where J was.  He told me that J had started walking - at 3 months!  I thought, Well, maybe I should count his steps to make sure it's really walking and not just falling forward.  I followed him around and counted 59 steps...and then he took off, running!  :)  I remember thinking, Genius baby!

This dream made me realize that I don't want to waste away my life (or J's) by wishing for another time yet to come.  As my maternity leave comes to an end in a few weeks, I'm using this as a reminder to savor the time I have - right here and right now... and not just for parenthood, but life in general.

So instead of saying, "I can't wait,"  I want to start thinking, "I can wait..."  God is calling me to wait - on Him.  He's calling me to look around gratefully at what He has given me for now, and the time He has given me, and to love.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

-psalm 118:24

baby dreams...

Pregnancy really does something to your dreams! I have had multiple dreams about our little one since early on in this pregnancy...and since this is the final stretch, I thought I would write them out (as much as I can remember them, and as much as I can try to make them make sense!).

Dream #1 (~1 month preg.)

I was in a forest with m.Ruth. Although she was due in Dec. 2010 and we already knew that she was going to have a boy, in the dream she had already given birth and was holding a baby girl. This girl, although supposedly only a few days old, was sitting up comfortably in her arms. She had really pale skin and freckles, and was so pretty!

***As a result, m.Ruth was convinced that I was really dreaming about my future daughter, esp. after she noticed that Mr. A has a lot of freckles himself.

Dream #2 (5 months preg.)

This was right before we found out the sex of the baby. We were getting the sonogram done and I pointed to the screen because I saw a telltale sign on the baby's body. The sonographer paused, stepped closer to the screen and said, "Yup...it's definitely....a girl!!!"

***This dream confused me even more because it gave no indication about the baby's sex! :)

Dream #3 (~7 months preg??)

This one was pretty hazy, but it involved m.Esther and a supposed C-section that I didn't realize that I had had. I walked into a brightly lit nursery and met my baby boy, who was already about 5 years old. I think he had Italian features.

***I remember waking up relieved that I hadn't really had a C-section (esp. one without my knowledge!)

Dream #4 (~8.5 months preg?)

I was waiting on the sidewalk outside of a hospital that wasn't our hospital. I think I had called for Mr.A to pick me up because I was in labor. I remember the baby was already on his way out, so I casually thought to myself, "Might as well push!" and then I delivered the baby into my own arms and caught him before he could fall onto the sidewalk. My bro-in-law Joe came to greet me, and Mr. A appeared with a hot pink ergobaby carrier. I gazed into the baby's face and thought immediately that he looked like Mr. A - same brow line, same freckles, only he was African American.

***I didn't think anything about this dream was strange until after I woke up.

Dream #5 (40 wks preg. = 2 nights ago)

I was in the hospital with our friends (who just gave birth last weekend). Both of us were in labor, but our baby came out really quickly. Mr. A turned to me, smiling, and said, "Wow, that was only 10 minutes!" I looked down at the baby, who was a Caucasian baby girl, very round and soft. Later on, somehow, the baby changed into a small African American boy (again, which didn't faze me at all in the dream).

***The 10 minute labor bit sounds good to me! But what is up with the different gender dreams?

Dream #6 (40 wks preg. = last night)

I was in our nursery, showing my mom around. She pointed out that the crib mattress looked really low, and was trying to give me a step ladder to make it easier for me to lower the baby into the crib. I realized that we had already had the baby, so I went into the living and found him in his car seat by the couch. At first, I was really scared because it looked like he wasn't breathing, but when I placed my hand on him, I felt his heartbeat and realized he was sleeping deeply. I picked him up and, instead of crying, this little Korean baby boy with a head full of hair opened his eyes and gave me the biggest, cheesiest, toothless grin I'd ever seen. I had recently read that for the first week of their lives, babies can imitate facial expressions really well, so I was cracking up, watching him imitate my facial expressions. Mr. A and my mom walked by, fixing and moving things around in the kitchen/dining room, and I changed the baby's clothes. His hands and feet were really hot, so I rubbed an ice cube on them to cool him down.

***First dream where our baby was actually Korean!

I know that God often uses dreams to speak to people. My dreams tend to be really confusing, but one thing that they have made certain to me - I will love this little one no matter what! And I reaaallly can't wait to meet this baby face to face! :)

ten more days.

10 more days until our EDD. Whew - where did all the time go? Every time Mr. A. and I sit down for a meal, I think (and often say aloud), "This could be our last meal as a family of 2!" Dramatic, I know. But it could be true! :)

Everywhere I turn, there's someone telling me that they delivered at 36 weeks, 37 weeks, 38 weeks, etc. Eeek! I'm experiencing a mixture of nervousness (We need more time! Our house isn't ready yet!) and anxiousness (I can't wait to see his lil face!!!). The closer we get to the due date, though, the more I experience the latter. I myself (and actually my siblings too) was born 2 weeks late, and I wonder how my mom patiently waited till then? I remember what someone told me recently, though. God knows the right time for our baby to be born...I don't need to rush it or worry if he's late. When he's actually born will be His perfect timing. <3

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

-Psalm 139:13-16

Questions, Wonderings...

It's easy for me to get overwhelmed, inundated by questions, wonderings, worries.

• Can I really handle labor?
• Will I be able to go through with natural childbirth as we've been planning, through class?
• What if he arrives super early, while we're still in school?
• What if he arrives super late, when Mr. A. is away?
• What if J is really, really big?
• What will I be like as a mother?
• What will I be doing, career-wise after J arrives?
• What will I be doing, ministry-wise after J arrives?
• Will we be able to balance taking care of a baby, a house, others, and ourselves, all when we are utterly sleep-deprived?
• ...

In the midst of it all, God puts up a steady hand and says, "Hold it, Sarah." Then He lovingly directs me to Psalm 116:7.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you.

I cannot, cannot forget His goodness. It's been proven over and over to me in very real ways. Even as our life will change in a dramatic ways in the next five weeks, I have to remember that He is good, and what He does is good. So - He calls my soul to be at rest and remember. He is the Provider God, my Good Shepherd, who calls me to come rest in His gentle guidance.

Yesterday's hymn leaped off the pages into my heart. Especially the end of verse 1 and beginning of verse 2:

Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.

Be still.

watermelon giggles.

It's funny that the baby is now the size of a small watermelon in the above blog banner, because that is all I feel like eating these days. Soo good. :)

---

Also funny? Mr. A... Yesterday, as he was cleaning up our soon-to-be nursery, he comes up to me and asks, "Do I need a haircut?"

I look over and see this:

So random!!! hahhaa

Later, I pass by the room and see him organizing away, wearing this:

Extremely thankful for my husband, who works hard AND never fails to make me laugh (even at his own expense) :)